X Factor Feed – Live Shows Week One

Australia didn’t know what hit them when the first X Factor live shows aired on Sunday.

The gap continues to widen between the assured entertainers and the budding performers – with a few unexpected winners.

The jaw-dropping stage was set just like the UK prototype but without the entourage of back up dancers and endless supply of smoke and confetti, the set actually came off looking painfully underused in some acts. We’re not expecting a pyrotechnic bonanza in every performance but would it have killed them to wheel in some wind machines?

Stage prowess aside, most of our final 12 acts gave an impressionable first week show. Here’s a rundown of who brought it, this week’s bitch please moments – perhaps better renamed to Kyle’s Bitch Please Moments – and Feed Limmy‘s favourite caps.

Who brought it:

Who are you and what have you done with Altiyan Childs? The bane of the competition shuts haters up when he found it in him to raid Cheryl Cole‘s ‘Fight For This Love’ wardrobe, work the stage like a pro and best of all – remember his lyrics. Somebody did RoRo very proud and there was plenty of bromance happening after the show-stopping performance. Can we please have #Altinan trending on Twitter?

Sally Chatfield absolutely burned it up with her rendition of Daniel Merriweather‘s ‘Red’. Kyle and Ronan gave Natalie a load of unjustified heat about the song choice but seriously, if ya’ll don’t know the song or just don’t get it, that’s your own damn fault. Kyle, being one who picked two overexposed Rihanna songs and a Kelly Clarkson single for his boys, should be the last person to comment on this topic.

James McNally might’ve looked dapper in a suit but nobody’s paying attention when he’s effortlessly securing votes with his confident performance and roof-raising vocals. What did I tell you? Dark horse of the competition.

Mahogany meant business tonight. It was all bar stools and flawless harmonies for a stripped-down rendition of Adam Lambert‘s ‘Whataya Want From Me’. BAM! They know that you know that they’re the done package.

Hayley Teal really wasn’t selling the Pussycat Dolls-esque chest thrusts and sexy choreography. But we got to hand it to her for delivering one hell of a performance despite all the new challenges Nat set for her. ‘Bust Your Windows’ is yet another Natalie song choice classic.

Bitch please moments:

There were more shut downs and defensive bickering behind the panel than any actual constructive feedback. But that’s just the nature of the game – it’s as much about the judges winning as it is about the contestants they mentor. Australia, you know what this means. It’s only the beginning of more Sandilands fuckery.

“DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’VE NEVER MADE IT? You the personality is not as good as the performer.” – Kyle on Amanda, the melismatic squirrel’s attitude. Seriously, what did this bitch do? Whatever it is. I’m down with her bad ass and she’s getting my votes now. Ronan, be sure to thank Kyle on the way out tonight.

“Here’s the REAL DEAL. Natalie has never done a show like this before so she feels she has to say something.” – Kyle, you never say something just for the sake of it. No.

“I STILL HATE YOU FOR NO REASON. The performance was great but I just don’t like you.” – See, Kyle? Never.

“The other three judges have nothing else to do but THIS SHOW.” – Now that you’ve mentioned it, Kyle. How is managing Scarlett Belle working out for ya?

Pause the tape:

Because some caps are just too good to be left on the Feed Limmy cutting room floor…

Hayley perfecting Beyonce‘s booty point and glance. SNAP!

I’ve seen cats pull that face before.

Sally‘s involuntary response at the mention of Scarlett Belle‘s performance next week.

KTHXBAI:

Our first week’s bottom two came down to Luke & Joel and Chris Doe.

Guess the public smelled cheese with the duo’s novelty cover of ‘Lifestyles of The Rich & Famous’ and decided to pass. But after a predicted deadlock on the judges panel, the final decision was rendered to voters and the axe fell hard on the lowest polling act: Chris, the 16-year old raspy-voiced lite rocker.

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