You know the love is gone when you find me idly running my fingers over the keyboard simulating tapping noises to trick my brain into thinking I’m actually finishing this post.
Truth is, X Factor Australia, I wish you were consistently awesome. But you keep letting me down with your uninspiring song choices and that long camera shot that makes your stage look so bare and empty compared to your Mother UK series.
We’re onto our fourth live show here and this week’s bland “party theme” had me umm-ing and ahhh-ing with excuses to leave early. “I’m sorry, I’ve got this other gig I need to get to but great party, mate.” *Leaves styrofoam cup of cheap wine on table and sneaks off to watch X Factor UK live shows*
So before I hit back with a post on the UK series’ first live shows, let’s attend to business at home.
Who brought it:
Altiyan blew the stadium lights out with this rendition of ‘Living On A Prayer’. The rugged rock star is like a flu symptom I just can’t shake, he’s constantly giving me hot flashes and cold chills. This week, he suitably impressed us and had every bogue on their feet cheering. Altiyan even became the fifth trending topic in the Twittosphere after this performance. Now, that’s a major WAOW factor.
Hayley Teal descending on a giant “LOVE” sign to perform Guetta/Ms Kelly‘s ‘When Love Takes Over’. End of story. Somebody rush out to honour the gays’ fearless new dance diva – here’s the sash and flowers. If all else fails for Hayley, can we enrol her in the Young Divas Internship Program and have their esteemed alumnus Jessica Mauboy and Ricki-Lee in for the information night? I’ll be happy to chaperone.
Bitch please moments:
“What Natalie’s trying to say is it’s not as authentic as a bunch of white girls dressing up in saris.” – Guy gets catty when Natalie criticised Luke & Joel‘s performance for being gimmicky.
Sally Chatfield‘s budget quail collar. Couture looses its glimmer the minute your audience figures how they can re-create this shit using resources from a kindergarten craft box.
“It feels like when you go over to your neighbour’s place and you’re having a barbecue? And you gotta put up with hearing their brat kids sing before you go home.” – Kyle‘s never quite recovered from Tamara‘s family get-togethers.
Andrew Lawson. Mate, listen [Editor’s note: no good can come of this. If Limmy ever calls you “mate”, start running for the hills]. I don’t get who’s voting to keep you here every week but you haven’t thrilled me since your ‘Fly Me To The Moon’ audition piece. It’s been over a month and I still have no sense of what you want to achieve as an artist or performer.
Our fourth week bottom two came down to Amanda and India-Rose.
Two completely different performers, loved for mostly the same reasons as why you’d loath the other. Amanda – affectionately known to the X Factor tweeting community as my “Gaga-peddlin’ squirrel” – is by far the more interesting performer. This chick is never boring to watch. India-Rose is stylistically and vocally more versatile but when it comes to stage presence and star aura, she hasn’t an inch on Amanda. Yet, the judges felt that India-Rose was the more bankable and consistent performer and said KTHXBAI to Amanda.
This week, a thousand Friends of Dorothy mourn the lost of a glittery, rainbow-attracting performer on X Factor. We are, of course, consoling ourselves with clips of her doing ‘Vogue’ and ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ (Bette Midler? Listen up gay men, Amanda Grafanakis got what chu need!)