It’s game on for the seven acts left in the competition and this week, with double the songs also comes the threat of a double elimination.
The madness of a rock theme has always been straddling that tightrope between achieving originality while still honouring the original rendition, a point that’s so highly valued in the genre.
With that in mind, it’s plain to see why the following four acts got the Feed Limmy snap of approval and why the others run a risk of getting dismissed.
Who brought it:
Cher Lloyd completely masticated this bubblegum rap/rock hybrid like a pro. The loud bratty song choices of Avril Lavigne/Lil’ Mama‘s ‘Girlfriend’ and Run DMC/Aerosmith‘s ‘Walk This Way’ were right on. Chezza is not holding back this week, taking every stab at flaunting Cher‘s most marketable assets: her hip hop swag, her youth and unmistakably dynamite stage presence.
Once Matt Cardle was done snatching Britney‘s wig with ‘I Love Rock N Roll’, he came back wielding a guitar for a quivering rendition of the 60s classic ‘Nights In White Satin’. The first performance – tempting some hint of a rock star presence – felt more like a throwaway thrill as opposed to the latter stripped-back heartfelt performance fans prefer. Having said that, you can’t fault Dannii for going with a bit of light and shade. Both songs were capably executed in their own right.
Rebecca Ferguson can do no wrong in my eyes. Rock week was never going to be a walk in the park for her but both performances this week have been tastefully tailored to her soulful tones. Here she ingests vintage U2‘s ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’ and delivers it in a way you’ve never heard before. As for her genius Motown reinvention of ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’ that had the judges hollering Aretha comparisons? Yes, we appreciate the pulse there, but Rebecca still needs all the help she can get to switch that swag on in these up-tempo numbers.
One Direction turned me around in the last three weeks and now you have to admit, they’re quite the force to be reckoned with. This lively rendition of ‘Summer of 69’ fulfilled Simon‘s mission of making a classic relevant to the younger generation – just like it did when the boys covered ‘Kids In America’.
Feed Limmy interrupts this live show recap with an important announcement:
Alert! Supervillain Nicole Scherzinger maims us with her killer X Factor performance of ‘Poison’ – complete with green smoke bombs. BAM! Now back to our schedule programming.
Bitch please moments:
“Only you – after the week that you’ve had – could come out and sing ‘your sex is on fire’…” – Simon, this is no laughing matter. Katie Waissel‘s grand ma might have just discovered a new song to trick to.
“Is Wagner not doing a medley? I’m in shock. Why not ruin three rock songs?” – Mammii Dannii isn’t the only one floored by this twist. Having said that, the bizarre warbler’s rendition of Radiohead‘s ‘Creep’ was sensationally appropriate. “What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.”
“Superman had his place to get away, so this is Super Wagner’s fortress.” – Competition favourite Wagner talks about his
eviction from the X Factor house move to a hotel.
“It’s been awhile since you did that pelvic thrust. You gotta grind the beans!” – Brian Friedman, who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?
Mary Byrne has no business wearing comfortable shoes on stage. In fact, no one does. You’re not off to a parent teacher interview, you’re here to rock it, so get some decent spikes on and strut your shit, mama.
Team Channii, are ya’ll paying attention? What the cameras barely zoomed in on was Cheryl and Dannii sharing a high five after Matt Cardle‘s performance of ‘Nights In White Satin’. YES, MY FIRST LADIES. Go head and own this competition.
Justice has finally been served this week with the vile-voting fuckery stopping right here.
The lowest-polling acts came as expected – Mary Byrne, Katie Waissel and Wagner – but the night bid an early KTHXBAI to one with the fewest votes, Katie, which leaves us with this series’ most pointless warble for survival.
After the customary sing-off, which saw Tesco Empress Mary slay Wagner with her royal swan song (‘This Is My Life’), the judges finally got to say KTHXBAI to the one they’ve all been dying to axe. Having said that, I hope the academy was watching because Cheryl and Dannii had their best fucking sympathising faces on.
Chezza gave closure on that beat-down with the karate man over his disdainful “council estate” remarks by saying, “Wagner, I know you and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye in the past but I have to say, you’ve been a really gracious man when you apologised and I accept that wholeheartedly.”
Simon Cowell also threw his two pence into the ring by commending the creepy warbler on being a “good sport” and adding, “why I’m happy with the result is because there are people out there trying to derail this show and now the control is back in the public’s hands. No offense to you, Wagner.”
Mother England, behold your semi-finalists: Matt Cardle, Rebecca Ferguson, Cher Lloyd, One Direction and Mary Byrne.
The final five was almost true to our Feed Limmy wish list – with the exception of One Direction. Ideally, I would’ve liked to see Aiden Grimshaw make this line up but the lads have more than redeemed themselves a place in the semi-finals.
Here comes the best part now – who’s your pick for top three acts?