X Factor UK: 2011 Semi Finals

I am aware that it’s the semi finals but can these bitches be trusted to choose their own songs? I don’t think so.

Look, the idea with this week’s double performance was to impose a Motown theme for the first set and with the last one, our final four would pick a song that they think will help them secure a place in the finals.

The Motown theme really complemented our final four to a tee and I have no complaints whatsoever with the performances in that category. It was energetic, joyful and for the most part – very Glee.

Correct me if I’m wrong but this is the first time in ages that we’ve seen the X Factor left with four young, energetic pop performers – am I right? There’s usually a vanilla balladeer up in these ranks but this series had shed its down-tempo divas Craig Colton and Janet Devlin in the last two weeks.

I am certain that the second “contestant’s choice” option was placed there as some kind of test of their artistic readiness and perhaps what kind of music Marcus Collins, Little Mix, Amelia Lily and Misha B see themselves making after the competition.

Results were less than satisfactory with Marcus Collins turning out basically the same Motown/funk-driven stompfest we’ve seen him do, not only earlier in the night, but for the past three or four weeks. The Liverpool hairdresser is a fave to take out the crown but after this week’s fizzer, I’m desperate to see him tweak the formula a little. Would it kill for Marcus to take a present day hit and give it a funk makeover rather than simply covering an old record as it was done decades ago?

Another front runner that tripped up a little this week was Little Mix, once again due to a flop song choice for their second performance. In this case, it wasn’t that we’ve heard it all before – it just wasn’t a very suitable or exciting choice.

Last week, the flawless four piece had a hit with Christina Aguilera‘s emotive ‘Beautiful’ and that has somehow given them this idea that they can now start assigning themselves big diva ballads. No, bitch. You are breaking from your brand. Beyoncé‘s ‘If I Were A Boy’ is bloody boring and it couldn’t be further from the fun, sassy and youthful Little Mix we’ve come to love.

Somehow Kelly Rowland‘s gurls – Misha B and Amelia Lily – came through with the right stuff this week, both not only nailing their respective Motown songs but also getting pretty close to perfection with their cover of pop/rock ballads by Pink and Avril Lavigne.

Take a look at the stand out performances of this year’s semi finals episode, why the judges are getting it twisted and, of course, the elimination we all saw coming:

1) Amelia Lily: this kid is alright after all.

Maybe it’s the nice hot cup of peppermint tea or comfortable underwear I’ve got on right now but I have a really good feeling about Amelia Lily this week.

I’ve previously chastised her for mindlessly belting out whatever generic American pop cover she could get her pipes on – be it Michael Jackson or Aretha Franklin – but not enough props were given for how well the 17-year old handles these classics. The girl is pretty much destined to knock out a proper Katy Perry/Pixie Lott-type debut album but could you hear Amelia Lily on the radio and recognise her voice? With the right song choice, styling and hype – the kid could go far to sustain one hit album but anything beyond that’s left to be seen.

Watch Amelia Lily‘s super decent cover of ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’:

2) Kelendria and Marcus Collins: just keep it between us.

Somebody had to take it there and clock Marcus Collins for an utterly suave performance, and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna be Louis Walsh, Gary Barlow or the ever so dull Tulisa. Our gurl Kelendria Trene is the ultimate flirt and frankly, it don’t matter if you’re a married or gay man – she will lay it on you.

Watch Marcus being a total cutie in his American college jersey, covering The Temptations‘ ‘My Girl’:

3) Misha B: it was almost fuckin’ perfect.

I was literally hollering and throwing my hands up in praise the minute I heard Misha B launch into verse one of Pink‘s ‘Fuckin’ Perfect’. Something just clicked with the lyrics, her story and heartfelt delivery. She could’ve fooled everyone for a moment that this song was written just for her.

The only thing really stopping this B+ performance from being top of the class material was the flat arrangement. It felt dated, too safe and perhaps even a touch desperate. ‘Fuckin’ Perfect’ played out like her swan song when it really didn’t need to be.

Watch Misha B cover Pink‘s heartfelt ballad:

4) That table has seen better days.

Somebody hand the girl some amyl or a more appropriate kind of relaxant because Tulisa‘s table slapping is starting to frighten the children.

It’s easy to see that the N Dubz star was not having the night of nights. Her last standing group Little Mix hit a rough patch with two rather average performances and the judges weren’t about to let it slide. Just so you know, we are not awarding any snaps to Gary Barlow this week.

The Take That DILF copped my side eye when he dared suggested that Little Mix anoint Perrie as their lead singer because she was clearly the best vocalist. Bitch, please. Where have you been for the last nine weeks? What’s superb and extremely special about Little Mix is that they’re actually four strong vocalists – and when they get the combination right, it’s absolutely dynamite [see: the on-point covers of ‘E.T.’ and ‘Don’t Let Go (Love)’].

There will not be a Diana Ross and The Supremes or Beyoncé and the Children of Destiny situation here. Of all the weeks Gary could’ve made this suggestion, he had to pick a night where both Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams were in the room. Ladies, tell him he’s wrong and these girls are fine with four lead vocalists.

Watch Little Mix take on a Supremes‘ song for Motown week:

It’s time to go: Misha B.

Dry your eyes, mate. We all knew it would come to this.

She’s wound up in the bottom two three times before so it was obvious that Misha B didn’t have the public’s backing, and the minute you remove the judges’ power to save her, them viewers didn’t hesitate to send her packing right away.

The fierce bitch has had a tremendous run and would no doubt be remembered as one of the key players in this series. The Misha B we fell in love with early on is creative, experimental and forward-thinking. The Misha B we adore would strut onto the X Factor stage like she owned the muhfuggin’ studio, land and nation – she did not look or sound like a competitor. She had a chairman aura that was beyond all this shit.

But somehow after week three’s bully-gate, Misha‘s winning state of mind wilted and took a beating when she found herself in the bottom two. The voting public had formed a negative opinion about Misha and, hard as she tried, she never did win them back.

They say success is not about not having any failures, but how you react to failures – and I feel that this pretty much sums up Misha‘s time on the X Factor. Her reaction to being in the bottom two was what ultimately cost her when she compromised her unique style and started on a string of desperate, generic song choices.

The safe karaoke numbers – ‘Born This Way’, ‘Proud Mary’ and ‘I Have Nothing’ – practically stripped her bare of her quirky brand, which she spent so long building. It’s no surprise that Misha B voters started to lose hope as they no longer recognise the star they were backing.

Watch Misha B‘s final sing for survival, warbling Jessie J‘s ‘Who You Are’ again, but this time with a new self-penned rap:

In an ideal world, some record exec would already be on the phone to the teen star, begging the bitch to sign an album deal with them. But with approval ratings as weak as what she’s had for the past month, even I would question if Misha B has a strong enough fan base.

So behold, your top three – Marcus Collins, Little Mix and Amelia Lily – who will all get a chance to perform with chart toppers Coldplay, JLS, One Direction and Leona Lewis at next week’s grand finals.

I predict for my faves Little Mix to take the crown and change the industry, while Marcus Collins pulls up second in the race.

Who do you reckon deserves to win this series of the X Factor?

Watch the X Factor 2011 finalists‘ music video for ‘Wishing On A Star’:



  1. Agreed about the picks for winner and runner up. Little Mix have the momentum and the talent. Marcus needs time to move create a brand that he feels comfortable in, atm he is veering towards Bruno Mars/Olly Murs territory and i think he is much funkier than that.

    Even after bully-gate i think Misha B’s string of terrible song choices where no one could actually tell it was Misha B singing it was her downfall.

    P.s “..it don’t matter if you’re a married or gay man – she will lay it on you.” So many references in that sentence lol

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