Despite ’30 Days’ being some kind of emotional ode to long distance love aches, you won’t catch The Saturdays sporting windswept tears or looking all sombre by the pool side in this video.
Instead, here comes the next sensible option: speed dating in an American diner with loads of cute boys who look like they could all either be on the Glee extras list or the next Gym Class Heroes video.
The name of the game is simple. It’s written on the damn board above the counter, “Speed dating – find your soulmate in 30 dates or less”.
But rather than cleverly playing up the inherently cheesy story line like Sophie Ellis-Bextor did in ‘I Won’t Change You’, these girls frustratingly dawdle about looking pedestrian, dashing from one corner of the diner to the next – all the while barely managing to convey any sense of commitment to the production.
The Saturdays haven’t always bothered with eye-popping choreography or fashion forward visual presentations but I feel like with this video, they really were resting their heels on my last nerve.
Perhaps it was the stagnant, predominantly close ups to mid-shots that frustrated me. I think they were trying to make it look like it wasn’t just Una who was exempt from a full body shot. Every single one of them had to be framed in a similar way for consistency.
On top of that, they set 90% of the shots in this cramped diner, giving the viewers a dull aching sense of claustrophobia. Fuck, I sound like Mama Lim at a house inspection. Something about the feng shui up in here just ain’t right.
Mollie King, shanté you stay.
The rest of you basic bitches can sashay away. Especially Rochelle and that unflattering new hair colour that makes her look like a haggard old piece from Basketball Wives. Gurl, that is not the look.
I am particularly pleased with the multiple angles of elegant face Ms Mollie is serving in ’30 Days’. I feel like she was the only one here who looked like she knew exactly how and when to tilt it for the camera.
I mean, what a load of rubbish about editing out her baby bump. They had you gagging at the 45 second mark when all five girls were shown running to the counter with Una strategically hidden at the back – making it look like it took four grown ass women to cover her belly.
‘What a farce’, you thought.
Then fast forward to a later part of the clip, we see her caressing her belly from behind the table. You can’t say none of this was planned on – Una talking about editing out her baby bump from the video to the way the shots were sequenced?
If this was fuckery foisted by a more well-known diva, I’m sure there’d be more people caring and clutching their pearls in disgust.
Watch The Saturdays‘ ’30 Days’ music video:
The Saturdays will release ’30 Days’ on 13 May in the UK. By then most astute pop music listeners would’ve moved on to bigger and better things like new releases by Marina & The Diamonds, Sam Sparro and Scissor Sisters. Good luck, gurls.