Brandy and Ray J “A Family Business” Album Tracklisting and Details

It don’t get more vanilla than this.

Brandy will eternally be one of my favourite R&B singers so I’m gonna let this slide and pretend like it’s just business, and not a true reflection of where her creative space is at right now.

For those tuning in from outside the States, Brandy and brother Ray J have been foisting a reality TV show titled A Family Business for two seasons now. As the name suggests, it’s all about Bran and Ray taking charge of the family’s music business and doing their best to keep their own careers happening, all while handling the usual domestic drama you’d expect to be handled on a reality show.

The obvious step for the show is to spawn a soundtrack album and here the Norwoods are ready to deliver some of their own home grown goodness.

Check on the official tracklisting for Brandy and Ray J A Family Business album:

1 – Family Business (aka Family Business Theme) – Brandy, Ray J, Willie and Sonja Norwood
2 – Turnin’ Me On – Ray J
3 – Talk To Me – Brandy, Ray J and Willie Norwood Sr.
4 – My Family – Sy’rai & Rain Smith
5 – Lifeguard – Brandy
6 – Ready to Roll – Ray J featuring TKO
7 – Sonja, Sonia, Sonya – Willie Norwood Sr.
8 – Gone – Tosha Scott
9 – I Don’t Care – Brandy
10 – Home Grown – Willie Norwood Sr.
11 – Epilogue – Sonja Norwood

Hold up for second. Brandy‘s little girl Sy’rai is doing a song? Boom! Instant value added already. And major fist pumps for the inclusion of ‘Lifeguard’, which was one of the best Brandy demos I’ve heard leak in recent history.

Footnotes:

Brandy and Ray J‘s A Family Business will be released on 21 June. They’re all standing around with a pen and pad ready to take your pre-orders now. Did I mention they did T-shirts? Mmph.

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Janet Jackson Piers Morgan Interview

The iconic First Lady of the Jackson clan – second to LaToya, of course – has a new book and tour to pimp. So off you go, Piers. Let’s hook her up and get all up close and personal.

Janet Jackson has enjoyed an immense career spanning close to four decades, sold over 100 million records and now she’s releasing her first book True You: A Journey to Finding and Loving Yourself – a self-help book with a heavy dose of Janet‘s own personal experiences, co-authored with biographer David Ritz. The book sheds light on Janet‘s battle with her weight, self-esteem and body image.

Here in an interview with Piers Morgan, the intensely private Ms Jackson opens up for the first time about depression, calling out LaToya as a “grand diva”, and why she used to repeatedly bang her head against the wall.

Put the kettle on, ready a cup of peppermint tea and watch the works here:

Footnotes:

Janet‘s book True You is out in the States this week. No word on when a local publisher will run a batch for our shelves.

Ms Jackson‘s Number Ones tour – which she’s said to be her largest tour yet – just started in Philippines two weeks ago and is moving through Hong Kong and Taiwan this week.

X Factor UK Feed: The Winner & Best of 2010

Mother England has spoken and today she crowns her latest X Factor winner.

Pub gig performer and all round nice bloke Matt Cardle has been the bookies’ favourite to win the series all year. And so it’s come as no surprise that after weeks of tugging at heart strings with his spine-tingling falsettos and acoustic guitar-wielding performances, the painter/decorator shuts down the competition.

Watch Matt‘s crowning moment here:

Damn. There’s breaking down with grace and dignity, and then there’s breaking down like blokes do. You can just hear the collective ‘awww’s emanating from every living room when Matt loses it in the boys’ huddle at the end of his performance.

During the entire ten-week live show battle, the strummy la la singer has not once been rendered to the bottom two. In fact, according to Digital Spy‘s report on the voting figures, Cardle has topped the polls every week except for week one (which went to Tesco Empress Mary). Runner up Rebecca Ferguson has consistently been the second favourite since week five (except for Beatles week when Katie Waissel outpolled her).

Be upstanding as we applaud the flawless blossom of the competition. Even though I am upset that she didn’t take the crown, I know Rebecca‘s going to make timeless music and grow into that international recording artiste everybody sees in her. No question about it.

The Liverpool soul siren warbled her elected winners’ single – a cover of Duffy‘s ‘Distant Dreamer’ (see above) – and a dignified rendition of Eurythmics‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)’ tonight, closing the chapter on what has been a breath-taking and consistent run on the X Factor. A vocalist like Rebecca really only comes around in these competitions once every ten years.

Matt Cardle‘s winner’s single ‘When We Collide’ (originally titled as ‘Many of Horror’ by Biffy Clyro) is up for download in the UK now and physical single should hit stores tomorrow. Could this be a well-recovered X Factor chart topper after the disaster of last year’s sabotage that robbed my innocent future boo Joe McElderry of a #1 single?

Just as every pub in the nation wells up with tears, cheers and beers in honour of our flat cap wearing winner – let’s take a moment to reminisce on the electrifying series that’s been.

There’s definitely been a heavy hand of modification and upsizing in this series: everything from the raised age limits in the solo categories through to the judges forming bands on the show for the first time (One Direction and Belle Amie), then lifting the velvet rope to include 16 acts in the live shows, and finally, the introduction of four individual winners’ singles.

What’s been the greatest hit for me this year is having late brekky every Sunday (we live in the land Down Under, remember?) with the live show performances on YouTube, and just being treated to some of the most unique vocalists and performers I’ve ever heard gathered in one series of a talent competition.

Here’s Feed Limmy‘s pick of pack – the unforgettable performances and our favourite bitch please moments in season seven of UK X Factor.

X Factor UK 2010 – unforgettable performances:

Cher Lloyd – Stay

An iconic moment in the competition when the young femmecee dimmed her swag and unveiled a vulnerable side for the first time in this tear-jerking vocal performance.

Rebecca Ferguson – Why Don’t You Do Right?

It’s that Jessica Rabbit va-va voom: sassy, soulful and too fucking cool to touch.

Mary Byrne – This Is A Man’s World

The Tesco Empress‘s crowning moment: booming confidence, captivating stage presence and roof-raising vocals.

Aiden Grimshaw – Mad World

A haunting and utterly spellbinding performance.

Rebecca Ferguson – Show Me Love

Our soul siren effortlessly slips into dance diva mode. We are still in shock.

Cher Lloyd – Just Be Good To Me

How did she manage to make a retro record sound so tailored to her? Instant smash. Bitch completely shat all over them teen stars that be rocking the Nickolodeon Awards.

X Factor Final 14 – Telephone

Guilty pleasure fun that turned out surprisingly ace in most parts despite the gawd awful miming.

One Direction – The Way You Look Tonight

The moment I realised these lads meant business and saw the promise of a long pop career ahead.

Paije Richardson – Let It Be

A thunderous performance unlike any rendition I’ve ever heard of this song. Poor Paije. I think out of all of Dannii’s boys, he was the one that needed the most guidance and time to develop his sonic stamp.

Matt Cardle – The First Time (Ever I Saw Your Face)

The torch ballad that had us gasping for air in the delicate falsetto sections. All of Matt‘s performances seem to blur into one strummy la la haze in my head but this one remains the centre piece of it all.

Nicole Scherzinger – Poison

The guest judge who came back and detonated the fucking stage with the most exhilarating artist performance of the year.

Unforgettable bitch please moments:

“I don’t usually have anything constructive to say to you, Wagner. But I believe you’ve made some comments this week about me being from a council estate and I’m just a very lucky girl. Well, you’re absolutely right. I’m very proud of my roots and I’m very lucky. If I were to give you any constructive advice, it’d be: don’t focus on anyone else or how lucky I am. But how lucky you are to be on that stage.” Damn, old man. Here’s a pen and I’mma need you to sign this ’cause you just got served.

“Only you – after the week that you’ve had – could come out and sing ‘your sex is on fire’…” – Simon, this is no laughing matter. Katie Waissel‘s grand ma might have just discovered a new song to trick to.

Harry from One Direction, please put some clothes on. We don’t want to excite the kiddie fiddlers now, do we? [Editor’s note: you won’t believe how many Google searches for “Harry One Direction topless” we get directed here.]

Remember when Cheryl went through that cheap red hair phase and passed the bottle around to all her girls?

Treyc Cohen, this scene is something out of Real Housewives of Atlanta. The cheap expensive furniture, the curves-embracing red dress and BET-ready wig –damn, did someone jack Nene‘s boudoir? So we found the Halloween connection after all.

“Hopefully with a bit of steam it would clear out the skin as well and you’ll start to look a bit fresher?” – Oh, Diva Fever. How did we ever get through this series without you queens?

That wig.

Final word:

What on earth am I gonna do with myself now? Should you find me contemplating new years resolutions and what to do with my life, it’s all because I’m struggling to fill the void of a weekly X Factor feed.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the recaps, our bitch please moments and commentary this year. It’s been fantastic hearing the response from readers, fellow fans and friends, and I hope to get right back into it with next year’s series [Editor’s note: hands will be tied between the US, UK and Aussie runs, if all three go ahead in 2011].

Thank you and KTHXBAI.

X Factor UK Feed: The Finals

Everything comes to a grinding halt for the UK X Factor finals this weekend.

The live show finale this week saw our final four make emotional returns to their home towns complete with family meet ‘n’ greet, school appearances and fireworks-ridden red carpet arrivals for their homecoming gig.

This week our finalists will perform one last live show song each followed by a duet with their global superstars. And holy fark, the four duet partners lined up don’t get any bigger than this.

Check the grand pairing:

Matt Cardle with Rihanna, performing ‘Unfaithful’.
Rebecca Ferguson with Christina Aguilera, performing ‘Beautiful’.
One Direction with Robbie Williams, performing ‘She’s The One’
Cher Lloyd with will.i.am, performing ‘Where Is The Love/ I Gotta Feeling’.

Looks great on paper and worth a million clicks just to see the star struck expressions on our contestants’ faces but as always with these X Factor celeb duets, there’s that touch of awkwardness and underpreparation. Poor Rebecca was left so stunned that Aggie had to warble out her missed cues.

That aside, let’s check out who made the final three, who stole the show this week and for the very last time – here’s a Kleenex – Feed Limmy‘s X Factor bitch please moments.

Who brought it:

Rebecca Ferguson – the blossom of this year’s series – had us swooning with this graceful rendition of Corinne Bailey Rae‘s ‘Like A Star’. Geniusly fitting song choice redelivered with such elegance and, did I mention there are rose petals gently drifting down? Class.

Matt Cardle picked up the guitar and turned his intimate pub gig swag on with Dido‘s ‘Here With Me’. Then the screen slides open to reveal a gathering of oddly veiled violinists and it was all over.

The Final 16 performance of ‘What A Feeling’ saw Cher Lloyd owning her fierce rap breakdown – quick question: did she write that part? – followed by Rebecca Ferguson giving uncharacteristically roaring vocals and Matt Cardle rocking a key change. They got all the lost causes – Aiden, TreyC, Paige and Katie – to open the song but um, where the fuck was Mary Byrne? That part Wagner‘s warbling should’ve been her’s.

Bitch please moments:

The. Most. Gloriously MAC-ed up ham to ever grace the X Factor stage. Learn to handle this and keep a napkin handy should a drool escape your mouth with every flash of Aggie‘s Christmas lunch perfection thighs.

Matt Cardle sweltering under Rihanna‘s hawtness. Dude looked like he just came twice in the time it took for RiRi to take three steps.

Uncle Robbie welcomes One Direction into the boy bands club with a little huddle.

Tales to tell your children: when the Matron of The Men’s Gallery met Liverpool’s Soul Siren.

I’m making Christmas cards for everyone with these snaps. Merry Channii Xmas to all!

“There’d be singers that come visit and I remember looking at them feeling like I couldn’t get an autograph ’cause I wasn’t good enough…” – Rebecca does school gig, spins dreams-do-come-true drivel, and brings on the flahwwwd.

KTHXBAI:

Sharpen your brow pencils and hit pause on your Pink Friday record for a sec. You’re gonna wanna hear this.

And so it’s come to this. The long-stretched out battle for the X Factor crown has finally reached its twilight phase and with that, we bid KTHXBAI to the last live show cast-off: Cher Lloyd.

I’ve always loved me some of this ghetto fabulous chav and will continue to support her career but it was evident from the start that she could never win this. It’s no fault of hers. Just the nature of the game. Cher Lloyd and her femmecee style was never mass appealing enough to win her the nation’s affection.

Having said that, young Cher would have to be the most exciting and original contestant to ever come out of X Factor. Period. She comes across utterly fearless with a stage presence that commands and endears, at times, with vulnerability. SyCo is almost guaranteed to snap her up and I hope it’ll afford her to work with the titans in the game.

It’ll be a great disservice to Cher and her fans to have her rush out a tepid and safe record. Bring on the chavvy hood, bring on the hard-hitting rap and feed us some delicately emotive vocal tracks while you’re at it. The stakes continue to be raised for Cher Lloyd.

Winners’ single rumours:

As previously reported – Simon Cowell‘s apparently opted for four individual winners’ singles this year, as opposed to the traditional feat of having the finalists record their version of the same song.

Digital Spy is now touting that the winners’ singles are as follows:

Matt Cardle ‘Many of Horror’ (Biffy Clyro cover)
Rebecca Ferguson ‘Distant Dreamer’ (Duffy cover)
One Direction ‘Forever Young’ (Alphaville cover)
Cher Lloyd ‘Impossible’ (Shontelle cover)

Impeccable and appropriate song choices, and isn’t it refreshing to see an album track elected there? Can I just say, if the Cher selection was true, I’d need to be excused so I can run to a corner and start rocking and crying to myself.

Expect for all to be revealed on tomorrow’s post: the X Factor winner, winning single and a series recap: *puts on Oprah voice* THA BEST of X FACTOR 2010!

X Factor UK Feed: Semi Finals

It’s come down to this.  

Five incomparable acts – rocking their own style and demographic – vying for the nation’s heart and voting affection.

Everything about this year’s X Factor has been supersized – from the final 12 expanding to final 16 acts, through to the finals where they’re sending four contestants through instead of the standard top three.

It’s even been reported that all five semi finalists this year have recorded their own winners’ single. That’s right. Apparently each finalist will have their own song tailored to meet their individual styles, unlike what’s traditionally been the top three recording their version of the same track.

I wouldn’t have expected for intriguing song choices to come out at this stage of the competition but this week, I’m reaching to the skies and thanking my celestials for Rebecca Ferguson. Look who waowed us with her song choices.

Who brought it:

Rebecca Ferguson didn’t just raise the roof this week. She fucking wheeled in the gallon drum full of petrol, struck a match and blew up the entire competition when she unexpectedly reinvented herself as a club vocal vixen. I’ve always clung a little tighter to my prayer beads when I hear Becky’s attempting an up-tempo piece but this song choice is pure genius. She can slip into a killer LBD, do the bare minimum requirement of stand-strut-point and still look like she’s commandeering an entourage of dancers. ‘Show Me Love’ is still essentially Rebecca the soul warbler but in a contemporary club soundtrack.

Cher Lloyd has moved beyond shutting down the competition. She’s now telling you what kind of artist she’s gonna be and what you can expect from her album and tour. For her semi finals showcase, she’s reinforcing her rap/sung style with two monster hits – B.o.B/Bruno Mars‘ ‘Nothin On You’ and Eminem/Rihanna‘s ‘Love The Way You Lie’. As far as this week is concerned, this performance takes the cake as being the most believable, marketable and most effortlessly executed of the two.

Rebecca Ferguson doing ‘Amazing Grace’ became one of those moments where – as fans – you start getting emotional and hyperventilate even before you’ve heard her sing it. Why? Because we know what Rebecca‘s capable of as a singer and future recording artiste – combine that with a timeless salvation warble and you know there won’t be a dry eye in the house. I’m not religious but I feel so moved and Mama Lim was left in tears. That’s really saying something.

Matt Cardle crawled out of his death bed to deliver this capable and rollicking rendition of ‘You’ve Got The Love’. The lad is very much in his own lane in this competition and has always been. There are talks of him being the favourite to win but I’m more inclined to side with Rebecca or Cher now – I mean, you are looking for an act with the X Factor, right? I totally love me some Matt Cardle but this kind of guitar-wielding singer/songwriter with a penchant for black and white press shots, I’ve seen plenty of already.

One Direction doing Rihanna‘s ‘Only Girl In The World’ made sense to me. The gender flipping in the song could’ve been a proper disaster but unfortunately for our schadenfreudic bad asses, it actually turned out well. The dancing and lyrical wooing is a tad Bieberesque but I’m obviously not their demographic. Ask the screaming fangurls to give this a rating out of five panty puddings.

Cher Lloyd doing her own hybrid of ‘Love The Way You Lie’ parts one and two was always gonna be a tricky operation. The problem here all came down to how the song was hacked and rearranged.

Cher‘s flow between rap and sung sections have never come across strained until now but having said that, all is won and redeemed when she warbles her way through the blazing end.

Dannii Minogue – the First Lady of the panel – had every man, woman and child spellbound with her glorious look this week. This nude palette she’s rocking with a well-suited clip-on hair piece is yet another submission for Mammii Dannii‘s fashion greatest hits.

Bitch please moments:

If Satan was a disco queen – and I’ve had my suspicions – this is just the kind of fuckery he’d pull on stage. Someone go gather a search party because Mary Byrne‘s note-perfect delivery of ‘Never Can Say Goodbye’ is lost somewhere in this haze of satin, frills and homo romping.

I can’t wait to see more of this in my life. When Joe McElderry and I are finally partnered, this will be our Sunday tradition. Pop over to Chezzas in our uggs ‘n’ scruffs, bring a couple of rom com DVDs, pizzas and just get down to Dannii‘s club choons.

Speaking of my boo, here he is at the Narnia premiere giving One Direction little morsels of his wisdom and experience. *Huffs and polishes nails* “You boys noticed that I’ve got the feature song on the soundtrack, yeah?”

KTHXBAI:

Nobody wants to stumble through this far only to not be whisked off to the finals, but this week, that was a real threat for the two lowest-polling acts: Mary Byrne and Cher Lloyd.

This elimination is yet another no brainer for the judges.

You only have to base it on consistency and last night’s performances alone to know that it’s time for Tesco Empress Mary to checkout. [Editor’s note: Don’t encourage him. Cheesy puns are strictly frowned upon. Remember that.]

I had such high hopes for Mary Byrne and it was utterly discouraging to see her peak so early in the competition. Bitch was robbed. You know exactly who to side eye for all the fucked up songs she was made to warble.

Truth is, Mary wouldn’t have lasted this long if she hadn’t captured the nation’s heart with her fairy tale ascension from checkouts to stardom. Anyone with half a heart and enough Who Weekly sentiment would’ve wanted her to win this but there’s only so many dud performances we can turn a cheek to.

Here comes the next step: record an orchestra-intensive album of adult contemporary standards and pitch it as a charity record distributed exclusively by Tesco. That would work, right?

Mother England, here are your X Factor finalists: Matt Cardle, Rebecca Ferguson, One Direction and Cher Lloyd.

X Factor UK Feed: Live Shows Week Eight

It’s game on for the seven acts left in the competition and this week, with double the songs also comes the threat of a double elimination.

The madness of a rock theme has always been straddling that tightrope between achieving originality while still honouring the original rendition, a point that’s so highly valued in the genre.

With that in mind, it’s plain to see why the following four acts got the Feed Limmy snap of approval and why the others run a risk of getting dismissed.

Who brought it:

Cher Lloyd completely masticated this bubblegum rap/rock hybrid like a pro. The loud bratty song choices of Avril Lavigne/Lil’ Mama‘s ‘Girlfriend’ and Run DMC/Aerosmith‘s ‘Walk This Way’ were right on. Chezza is not holding back this week, taking every stab at flaunting Cher‘s most marketable assets: her hip hop swag, her youth and unmistakably dynamite stage presence.

Once Matt Cardle was done snatching Britney‘s wig with ‘I Love Rock N Roll’, he came back wielding a guitar for a quivering rendition of the 60s classic ‘Nights In White Satin’. The first performance – tempting some hint of a rock star presence – felt more like a throwaway thrill as opposed to the latter stripped-back heartfelt performance fans prefer. Having said that, you can’t fault Dannii for going with a bit of light and shade. Both songs were capably executed in their own right.

Rebecca Ferguson can do no wrong in my eyes. Rock week was never going to be a walk in the park for her but both performances this week have been tastefully tailored to her soulful tones. Here she ingests vintage U2‘s ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’ and delivers it in a way you’ve never heard before. As for her genius Motown reinvention of ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’ that had the judges hollering Aretha comparisons? Yes, we appreciate the pulse there, but Rebecca still needs all the help she can get to switch that swag on in these up-tempo numbers.

One Direction turned me around in the last three weeks and now you have to admit, they’re quite the force to be reckoned with. This lively rendition of ‘Summer of 69’ fulfilled Simon‘s mission of making a classic relevant to the younger generation – just like it did when the boys covered ‘Kids In America’.

Feed Limmy interrupts this live show recap with an important announcement:

Alert! Supervillain Nicole Scherzinger maims us with her killer X Factor performance of ‘Poison’ – complete with green smoke bombs. BAM! Now back to our schedule programming.

Bitch please moments:

“Only you – after the week that you’ve had – could come out and sing ‘your sex is on fire’…” – Simon, this is no laughing matter. Katie Waissel‘s grand ma might have just discovered a new song to trick to.

“Is Wagner not doing a medley? I’m in shock. Why not ruin three rock songs?” – Mammii Dannii isn’t the only one floored by this twist. Having said that, the bizarre warbler’s rendition of Radiohead‘s ‘Creep’ was sensationally appropriate. “What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.”

“Superman had his place to get away, so this is Super Wagner’s fortress.” – Competition favourite Wagner talks about his eviction from the X Factor house move to a hotel.

“It’s been awhile since you did that pelvic thrust. You gotta grind the beans!” – Brian Friedman, who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?

Mary Byrne has no business wearing comfortable shoes on stage. In fact, no one does. You’re not off to a parent teacher interview, you’re here to rock it, so get some decent spikes on and strut your shit, mama.

Team Channii, are ya’ll paying attention? What the cameras barely zoomed in on was Cheryl and Dannii sharing a high five after Matt Cardle‘s performance of ‘Nights In White Satin’. YES, MY FIRST LADIES. Go head and own this competition.

KTHXBAI:

Justice has finally been served this week with the vile-voting fuckery stopping right here.

The lowest-polling acts came as expected – Mary Byrne, Katie Waissel and Wagner – but the night bid an early KTHXBAI to one with the fewest votes, Katie, which leaves us with this series’ most pointless warble for survival.

After the customary sing-off, which saw Tesco Empress Mary slay Wagner with her royal swan song (‘This Is My Life’), the judges finally got to say KTHXBAI to the one they’ve all been dying to axe. Having said that, I hope the academy was watching because Cheryl and Dannii had their best fucking sympathising faces on.

Chezza gave closure on that beat-down with the karate man over his disdainful “council estate” remarks by saying, “Wagner, I know you and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye in the past but I have to say, you’ve been a really gracious man when you apologised and I accept that wholeheartedly.”

Simon Cowell also threw his two pence into the ring by commending the creepy warbler on being a “good sport” and adding, “why I’m happy with the result is because there are people out there trying to derail this show and now the control is back in the public’s hands. No offense to you, Wagner.”

Mother England, behold your semi-finalists: Matt Cardle, Rebecca Ferguson, Cher Lloyd, One Direction and Mary Byrne.

The final five was almost true to our Feed Limmy wish list – with the exception of One Direction. Ideally, I would’ve liked to see Aiden Grimshaw make this line up but the lads have more than redeemed themselves a place in the semi-finals.

Here comes the best part now – who’s your pick for top three acts?

X Factor Feed: The Winner and Best of 2010

Australia, pop the champagne and lift the velvet rope for our new X Factor winner: Altiyan Childs.

This is the fairy tale ending for the underdog who swept the nation along for his ride to stardom in the last two months.

As much as I would’ve loved for Sally Chatfield to take the crown, this feels right. Altiyan produced – and succeeded in – just the kind of transformation show producers get wet for. Who would’ve thought that this crestfallen rock singer with a habit of forgetting his lyrics could soar to be the champion of the series? Remember the boos and hisses when RoRo took him through to the live shows?

At risk of sounding overly caught up in sentiments: there is a glow of optimism in the air tonight.

Altiyan‘s winning single ‘Somewhere In The World’ is up for download now right here. Fingers crossed, we’ll eventually be able to purchase Sally‘s version of the winning single.

Just as the after party is carrying on backstage, let’s take a step back and reminisce on the series that’s been.

2010 saw our Aussie X Factor franchise throttling back on screens with all the pyro, drama and show bonanza the nation has yet to experience in one talent show.

After close to three months on air with numerous star cameos and even a globe-trot to New York, Los Angeles, Ireland and Richard Branson‘s private island along the way – it’s time to wrap it up with a look at this collection of unforgettable X Factor performances and the ultimate bitch please moments in this series.

Yes. You got that right. Consider this your Feed Limmy X Factor Greatest Hits compilation with a bonus disc of fuckery to boot.

Who brought it this series:

Mahogany – Lady Marmalade
Guy‘s supreme harmony sister group blew out the competition with an unexpectedly fierce and sexy performance sadly never to be repeated in any of their subsequent jaunts. Stripper heels and a Moulin Rouge-inspired set, all that’s missing is fake dollar bills raining down at the end.

Hayley Teal – Queen of The Night
Queens, please genuflect for your fearless new leader. Everything about this performance was pure fiyah from the arrival on a man-powered palanquin through to the sassy growls and strut. Be warned. This won’t be the last you’ll see of Ms Hayley.

Altiyan Childs – Living On A Prayer
This appeals to our inner pub rock bogue. Don’t fight it – I know you have it in you too. When Altiyan is switched on, it is utterly electric.

Mahogany – While My Guitar Gently Weeps
If you’re not getting chills when these ladies slide up to the chorus, you’re either dead or suffering from some kind of sensory failure. It’s a classic wet Mahogany ballad, just as stunning as their rendition of ‘Whataya Want From Me?’

Amanda Grafanakis – Vogue
You know our beloved Gaga-peddlin’ squirrel did this just for us, right? She got out the headset, worked the choreography down pat and even brought in the faux paparazzi. It’s not gimmicky if you’ve all imagined yourself doing this a thousand times in your head.

Sally Chatfield – Red
Our X Factor princess was privy to the occasional interesting song choice. You know, when Nat’s not pandering her to the public with mostly generic pop/rock tracks? This aching rendition of Daniel Merriweather‘s ‘Red’ was playing on all the right levels of soul and subtlety.

Andrew Lawson – Black & Gold
Now, now people. I know what ya’ll think of Andrew but props where props are due, please. This was the one performance where the jazzy singer looked cool and completely in command of an almighty set.

Defining bitch please moments of the series:

“You carried me on your shoulders. It wasn’t the plane that got me here… it was you.” – Classic Altinan moment. Makes me weep every time.

Kyle locking lips with Natalie. It was a little vile to watch and my stomach still churns at the thought of it. This couldn’t be further from the romance X Factor fans have been shipping for in RoRo and Nat.

“When you’re up there singing should I, as a straight man, be looking at the male dancers? No, I should be fixated on you with awe and amazement…” – Kyle, we can’t make you keep your eyes on the straight and narrow. We can’t.

Natalie‘s bitch please face when India-Rose failed to rock that key change.

Love lorn James McNally and female companion starring in a tacky production only fit for karaoke music videos.

The Hayley Teal booty pump. This is solid gold. I’ll never tire of seeing this.

THIS OUTFIT. My corneas are still wailing and throwing ashes, absolutely mourning their loss of innocence.

Verdict on the series:

While I won’t go as far as saying the X Factor is a monster ratings winner, there must be something said about its appeal if it’s consistently drawing over a million viewers each episode.

Should we expect another season next year? That’s anyone’s guess right now.

Show producers and the judges need to remember that it’s a televised talent show where its appeal lies as much in the hands of the personalities on screen as it is on the talent on stage. If the viewers come away feeling entertained and connected with the judges and contestants on screen, there’s no reason why this show can’t be a success.

Feigned semi-high brow critique ovah! Let’s just giggle over Guy‘s Blew Me Blunder again.

I know this has nothing to do with the series – and maybe I’m just swept up in the euphoria of Altiyan‘s triumph – but I’d like to thank everyone for reading, retweeting and loving on my X Factor Australia posts. It’s been a weekly commitment and in my crazy little head, this is just a scrap book I’m honoured to share with all you readers and show fans.